Week Ten: The Funeral

This was a difficult week for reasons unrelated to the work. Yesterday morning was my grandmother’s funeral which I found harder than I expected – in fact the thought of it had contributed to my feeling distracted and fragile all week and my traditional November man-flu (hey at least it wasn’t Covid this time) didn’t help. I’ve been feeling lousy, sleeping poorly and finding concentrating on things difficult. This led to a full on case of writer’s block early in the week – wonderful when my priority was writing the first draft of some of our final report.

The funeral was hard. I gave a reading which almost broke me – not sure my voice has ever wobbled that much and I couldn’t even look up for fear of making eye contact with my mum and that leading me to fall apart. I did it though and I’m pleased I did. 

I learned a bunch of lovely things about her from the eulogy and then I drank too much at the Wake – but it was comforting to spend the time with my family and do what we do best – drink and talk nonsense.

On the work front one thing I did do this week was start having more detailed conversations about supporting some additional projects in the run up to Christmas and early in the new year. It is a hotchpotch of things including some writing, some workshops, some stakeholder engagement and some agile comms. I’m looking forward to getting involved with it all to be honest – basically it will make for an intense three weeks of work before a couple of weeks off for Christmas (including a week in Philly).

It is also representative of a general change in my thoughts/plan regarding work in 2024 and beyond. While I am still determined to launch my jobsite at some point I am shelving my other coaching/training plans for the foreseeable future. The market is just tough at the moment – the admin burden for getting on the right frameworks or the right subcontractor relationships with big suppliers is more than I have the stomach for. Also turning interest and conversations into income and contracts is uncomfortable for me. More than anything though I need to be a part of something larger – working solo just isn’t healthy for me and I don’t know how I forgot this! I have some irons in the fire and will likely make another shift in the new year – which is made slightly more embarrassing after I mistakenly informed all of LinkedIn that I had started working for myself at the start of the week

Really sad about this cinema closing in Bristol – I must have been there more than 100 times since it opened. It is a key part of my routine for managing my anxiety – I find watching movies on the big screen hypnotic and relaxing in a way that nothing else can achieve for me. It is my meditation and this was the venue where I felt most comfortable. 

That will do for this week. Hopefully brighter times on the horizon.

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